IT WAS YOU

{

It was you
That showed me who I am
And taught me how to stand
For what I know is real

I was sick of all the pain
Tired of all the shame that I felt
But you showed me a way
To never have a doubt
And always to believe in myself

So how can I make this up to you
I'll fight and I'll push and I'll strive
Now that I'm living my life for you
I'll fight and I'll push and I'll strive
Can't you see...?

It was you
That showed me who I am
And taught me how to stand
For what I know is real

Now I'm breathin for the first time
And I'm leavin, all this behind
I've become, what I am because of you }


DEDICATED TO MY HEART ND LOVE....

yesterday......when i again pinged her....cuz i can't resist

she asked me...
as...how am i?

but....the question was so solitudal,that i just said   "i'm awesome"

nd bwe..i don't know..what she thought about this sentence f mine....


nd she talked to me....

she asked me...as if.....i'm like a friend or just those old feelings r flowing around me

nd i had nothin too answer about...i mean how can i!!

u know.....
she said ki,its not possible for her
she will b good with his arrange married husband

nd i thought

one day,she'll just wake up ,in morning

find her big ,fatty ,husband snorring(kharrate lete hue) ,coughing…
nd think that,what if atleast I have tried once..
what if everything…have been just fine
what if ,that love was meant to be with me
what if,my life today,had different meaning towards love

she told me..that..
she 's  not the miss. perfect for me...

but..mehak
i don't want any perfection ...as perfectness make u'r life least anxious nd more solitudal

i just want to b ,a noob...:)


{

If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true

Cuz I hate the way…I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice         }


u know....

i don't know ..why i write so much about her.....when she just refused me at first go...:-/
i don know..why i sit from 9:00pm nd wait for her so anxiously....
i don know...why she is so sweet....!!
don know....why she comes in my dreams...
don know...why she talks to me....whole day...

don know..why i just roam around searchin for her,like a bot


yesterday,she talked me about...her religion,foods,nd much more....

she was just countin our factors nd unlikeness...
i guess,she was doin analysis on me

but...maine to itna kabhi socha hi nai,actually mere to kabhi ye sab dimaag main nai aya..

i guess...tabhi main love kar baitha......kambhakht love..:(

i just feel u,inside me completely shadowed ....

yesterday....i got a dream about her

in which...she calls me ,in a cafe.....

i just waited for her for more then couple f hours

nd then she appears with his BF

nd seeyin this...i just smile...as i can't do nothin about this...:-/

next thing she says to me..is...

hey rahul...how r u feeling today!!!


nd i say......

".just like...when a man's dream come true.....:)"
nd i smile..nd leave

the waitor take a short laughin session with others.....

nd i just laugh at my self......bloody idiotic me.....

nd then....mob. alarm pops out.....
nd i wake up nd just think..about u
nd then..i say,i wish ,today ,i can forget her
nd then.....all my day,goes imagining...:-/


nd here is my fav. lines.on what i'm passin through

{TUMHE DEKHA,TUMHE CHAHA

TUMKO POOJA,DEKHA SUNA KUCH BHI NAI

ANSUON SE DOOBA KAAGAZ LIA,
USPE LIKHA KUCH BHI NAI,
RAAT BHAR JAAGA KIYA,

TUMSE KAHA ,KUCH BHI NAHI.....}...:(

ane the worse ,she suggested  me was....

i should burn..her photos...

i mean....why should i burn my love's pic.?

i don't understand....either way....

cuz.....thaat pic. will b like....so much precious to me.....
i can't even think f ..folding it.....burnin is like......impossible

k...so today's schedule was nothin like routine...

subah...at 7:00..i had to go to my tayi's house.....for some work
fir....papa k saath,thoda kaam karaya
fir ,labours k saath laga raha
fir...mere dost a gaye....as i havn't talked to them ..since last week

so they.were worried....

but i didn't share ny thing
as if this leaks out..

i will have tough ,time in college

as....u see..there r most friends who r close friends at u'r face but rival on back...:(

nd agar mehak hoti ,tabhi to unhe main batata kuch

wo to bas......my only one hai

ab main unhe ye bol doonga..

ki mera last love......24 hrs se bhi kam chala...

to ,that will make my wound more deeper..

as every time..if i'll try to just forget her

log...mujhe yaad dila hi denge...:(

mera ek pakka dost kal, a raha hai,pune se

so..kal shayad usse share kar loonga....apna last love


fir.......jab dost chale gaye....

main kal ki tarah.....fir bhatakti aatma ban k road pe nikal gaya

ki shayad....use thoda to bhool hi jaoonga

but...this isn't going...


u know..
i just keep quiet whole day.....
i don't know why..

koi khushi,koi gum.....mahsoos hi nai ho raha........:(

aaj ,fir se apna model start karte hue...
doosri ungli kaat li
fir uspe bandage chadaya........

now..my two most important fingures...r injured..but ..not in great sense...
it usually happens....as the propeller has blades..that r too sharp

nd ,we have to start ,model 's engine..by jerking the propeller quickly.
nd that....injures most f us...

just now..i'm waitin for her..to b online.....

even ,if she does not....talk to me
i would b happy ,to see her yellow blink..:)


hey....

        

                                                                               P.S  I LOVE YOU...:)

ONE LOVE......

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


ITS LIKE FIRE ON MY FEET FLOOR....


FEELING SO RELAXED ND CALM AFTER SAYING ,ALL I WANNED TO 


TO MY FIRST LOVE..........:)

u know...she asked me ki,in this big life, 1 love can not b enough


but..for me...it will be.....


what IF


WE DON'T SUCCEED IN OUR 1ST LOVE
CUZ WE LACKED IN CERTAIN QUALiTIES.....I GUESS


BUT


AFTER ACHIEVING THOSE QUAliTIES...


WE NEVER LOVE AGAIN REALLY!!


                                                    STRANGE BUT TRUE.....:)

bwe.....
so...it happened like this...:o

i had my dinner..

nd was tellin him about my whole problem that i was facin frm couple f days

i guess,she figured out ,what prob. i had
nd told me that..i m in love


as most f my friends did

so...just asked me to share with her

but she was askin for the name f the girl ....i love

so..how can i tell her ,that she's the only one  ...!!:(

so...i decided to take help with my friends

texted them.......

nd then..came a flood f mess. in which..from 220 only 10-20 sms were nice:x:(

nd she also kinda motivated me to propose her

so...i just closed my eyes nd ...

said ...I LOVE U..... to her

nd that's it


i was so tensed that......i just closed my whole sys. after that...

duuh...nd i'm so much f idiotic that...forgotten to listen her answer...

darn......i don't have guts now..to talk to her

better ..i leave all this nd just listen to songs laying on my bed

but one thing that i felt after that..is a kinda relief..:)

man...that was lame

nd i guess....the lamest proposal ever done on this planet:-/:(

but...i was so much disturbed..that my whole mind got situated in delhi

so nothin left with me:(

k.....am done....
but now..m anxious about her answer..

GOD.......mercy...:)

good night...all
have a sweet nd nice dream...

i guess...i'll jut can't sleep today.....
like yesterday...:-/

50 First dates....

just watched a movie called "50 first dates"

its about a guy who loved so much with a girl ...but the girl had a short term memoryloss disorder due to which she seems to forget every thing..she has done one day before

i mean.....if this happens in real..this will really b hard on that guy who's in love...:(:-/

why do these romantic movies touch my heart all the time..:-/

well other than that....

i got my new makeover done...by myself....:D

nd my sis. says that i'm lookin really good in this..
 
i guess,i also  think so......


wish..i had one gf that can also suggest me some thing....:-/


nd.today's day,mehak is returnin from tour..so just anxious to talk to her...:)


well...that's all the story f the day..


avida for now....have a awesome day ahead people;)

today....
it was just an another day..
just got my bike's insurance,phone credited, nd autocad certificate from a institute from which i opted for autocad learning...

what else...just missin i don know what...but sum thing..:-/

i guess....its like missin my college,friends,nd huhh....i don know......

missin talkin to her....can't ell name as she has warned me for that....but still waitin for her to come online

but i feel like empty nd clumzy inside as this virtual world is fake sumtimes....

nd i don want to happen that with me...

its just me wantin a realism ....:-@

u know..u can't go with u'r pc nd net connection every where ,even if u want to...

nd that makes me so dumb......:(

as even if i want to talk to this angel...i can't ,except for at sum social networkin site nd yahoo

nd that's so bad

i mean..i asked her...for if she can share her no.

but i guess.....this false world don't allow her to do that

nd its more f her distrust on me.....:-/

i don know...why but,.....its strange

i'hv been sharin with her...all my talks...but still she think that i can b a "bad man"

lol...but i'm not that kinda person

i will never call or visit som one..untill i get confirmation of that person ....

cuz...i feel that incorrect

i'll never ask nyone why he/she's late..as they can have their own problems ...

but its ok..

u know.i gave a song to mehak yesterday,while we were talkin in generally

nd she got offline when full song ws uploaded to her system,

i don know why,but that song is realy nice..nd has nothin bad in it.....

its just a soft romantic song..she asked me for....

btw...she's on her tour now........nd i'm here...waitin for her........hehehehe

nd yea...today the sun was good in atmosphere.....nd itz some less colder then yesterday

i'm thinkin of again,joinin the gym..as i left cuz of my semester exams:)

nd i'm bit anxiuos about doing that stuff again.....:D

RELAXED:)

u know guys

the apologize i'hv done yesterday ...

i guess ,she has forgiven me for that blog:)

so....today i watched movie called VEER..nd review f this movie is

ONLY A VEER CAN WATCH VEER:p

as the movie was bundle nd fired up  ,all around

i guess all directors can not b like aamir khan:D:P:-/

nd my family is back home,so todays lunch was so homely nd good

what else to say....!!

my college r closed now,holidays r going on,weather is so cold....that i can't hang around with my friends in so much cold

my health is ok now....

oh...nd see
the sun is shining again parting all the cvlouds nd mists away:)

i guess,i'll go to roof top,nd heat myself nd then bath ....oh..thank god

i havn't seen,no sun from over a week

nd i don know,how she's washin her clothes in so much cold weather in capital...:o:(

some lines i'm rememberin in fondness f someone


Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

huhh......k...going for some vitamin -d ....:P

keep enjoyin life....ciao for now

deus vobiscum

I'M AFRAID ND TENSED

u know...i wrote a blog about my conversation with mahak

i sent most f my friends ,the request to follow my blog..

nd i guess if she had noticed nd read my blog about her

so...i'm bit tensed that what will she feel if ,she finds som thing wrong in my story..

as i don't hav ,no words ,if she asks me for an explanation.

SORRY MEHAK..IF ANYTHING APPEARED WRONG TO U:(

but as said,we can not erase the past ,just try to correct the mistakes in present....:-/

i guess..i shoudn't hav sent her the request......darn't....i'm so foolish

i sent a request f blog .in which i'm writin som thing about her....

yesterday when she was talkin to me on yahoo messenger

she said me to dine while she was checkin the mails...

nd then she never replied yesterday ...as my mail was also their ,nd i guess she read all my blog..:'(

i'm so much f idiot....:x

all the time ,this foolish things happen out to me,i don know why but

i surely don't know,how to talk with the girls

otherwise i would also had atleast one gf..that would have loved me from her heart..:)

duhhh....all these dreams r so illusion makin inside me....:-/:x

some thing sweet:)

ok....yesterday,i was just sitting on innernet as my family is not at home.
and i'm all alone for a past 1 week

but just when i was about to close that too cuz f boredom

a girl pinged me,at first i didn't figure out who she ws....cuz f her id name..

but then..she told me...MEHAK

nd i was so surprised,as i never thought ki she will talk to me here..as if u people  followin my blog

i hav mentioned her couple f times

but,yesterday was different
i got to know more f her,u know like as in personally

previously i thought she was a kinda girl who is introvert nd very sensitive

but..yesterday she mentioned me about her crush,nd his x gf who he's talkin all over with mehak,while she is in crush with that guy
the guy seems to see his x gf in mehak

i found that strange.....nd just gave her sum suggestions,about this whole stuff

as u know,u can't love a person who finds someone else in u,and want u to change for him/her partially/completely

so...i guess ,she listened to me but its upto her to forward her relationship with him.....or just start with a new day:)

the second thing  she told me was,  her father is not on planet now.....

i felt so much like hugging her nd give a jaadu ki jhhapi

but,this virtual world doesn't give us permission to do that

she told me about some of her personal life.....nd listening to her....i was so much touched. that
whole day ,today,i kept talkin about her to my friends

deus vobiscum

we talked about the orthodoxic people,the catastrophic development f our country towards women

but,i was so happy,as some one whose thinkin was pretty much matched with mine...:)

i showed her my crush's pic,that was about 5 years back:P

nd at that instant my milk,that i hav put on burner was burned whole down...with only bubbles left

nd she's so talented that she helped me with the cleaning f scale that was on the whole utensil

SO NICE F HER YAAR:)

ahem ahem....ok

then when she was leavin..she told me that her eyes is blue.....

nd from that moment i'm trying to imagine that how she looks with her blue eyes
as i havn't seen any buddy in my life with blue eyes in india...!!

from that moment i'm just thinkin about those conversations happened....plz god...
this time don't get me addicted to anyone..as all the time i addict myself to them,nd hurt my little hurt

its like making TOXIC VALENTINE ,
as i never had that courage to tell a girl how i feel about her

that reminds me f a song

i see u walkin through the door,
i got to tell u how i feel
oh baby u'r the only one for me:)




tumhe kaise main bataoon,
kya main pa gaya hoon
tum jo mere saath ho
mujhko duniya mil gai hai,
jindagii badal gai hai,tum jo mere paas ho:)


how sweet f me :D

par this time i'll try my bast not to develop my feelings for her..:-/
as she has unlimited list f her crushes...nd i will stand no where ,to her expectations

huhh......blue eyes kaisi lagti hongi yaar,i am still imagining her...........:x:(

///beta rahul....band karo ye sab sochna......///

duhh.....after sems:o

so...now...as the sems r over,nd i m feeling relaxed




just observed that.the love that ,i was talkin about in my previous post with girl(mehak)


was only a flute....as its now 2 months we have talked


i mean..if there was ny thing,then we must have been in contact but...i guess..that was only a fluctuation f mind...:)


nd i'm quiet good,after been out f that....single minded again..no tensions:D


nd..about the life...


its too cold in my city today,so just brought my blower in my room:P


i still being with all my friends miss someone special nd pretty.....to talk to nd share my life..but its ok..


as singleship is good,,as i havn't experienced ny relationship yet.....

APNI NAZAR K SAAMNE JAB AYEGI

ZINDAGI KABHI TO JAGMAGAYEGI    :D:)